As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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