I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
