Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
