32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
