I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
