And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize