That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
