She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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