all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
