Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's shark week go big or go home
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
