wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
