wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
