if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
