i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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