She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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