Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
