Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
