Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
