I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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