went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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