I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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