ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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