i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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