just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
