I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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