My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
