Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
