Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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