I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
