walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
