We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i think im in europe. pls send help
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize