so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
