idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
