Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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