My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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