Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
