we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
