Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
