Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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