Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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