so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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