I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
