he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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