dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
