Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
