he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
