you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
