Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
