So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
