you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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