Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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