Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
