Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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