You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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