is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
