Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
