I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
