Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
