dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
