I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize