It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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