To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
