bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
