who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
