I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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