Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
