Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
