you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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