forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
