Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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