You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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