Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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