whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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