I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
