hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize