At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
