then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
