Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is wine microwaveable?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
