the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
